I could make wine with my vomit
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
