How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
