It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
