Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
