My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
