you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So much rum. So many feels.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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