How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
