everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
