I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
