Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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