So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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