I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've blown a few things in my day
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
try to milk me bitch
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