Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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