Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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