The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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