After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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