He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
