hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
