oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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