You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
