I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
