The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
