her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
