Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's never too late to be topless.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
