and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
