Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
