Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
