I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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