Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
