I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
