I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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