Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
