just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
