Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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