fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Girls should come with a carfax report
you will always have a special place in my vag
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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