I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
