everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize