I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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