just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
