glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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