I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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