My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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