It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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