mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
