apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
