I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
