im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
