And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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