i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize