you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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