I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
