Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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