Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
