can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
