I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
