D3 body, D1 cock
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
