We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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