but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
