I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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