btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
