My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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