my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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