my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
