Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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