I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
