I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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