We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
