you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
