Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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