Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize