I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
