sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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