I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
