Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
