How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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