fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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