Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
