So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
