I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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