I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
