would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
