so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
