Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
