I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
