I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
